quelmarrealmfandomcom-20200213-history
Help:Wiki Worldbuilding Contest 2019 Results
These are the results of the __TOC__ CRITERIA USED (1-10) 1) Originality. Unique factor, or ability to add a new twist to an old classic. How well it sticks out on its own is also a factor. 2) Immersion. How well this brings you into the world, to where you feel like you are witnessing it yourself. 3) Witness: This is the writer's voice describing their entry to the audience. 4) Detail: Degree of effort put into the world building for the entry. 5) Character development: (In the case of an item, city or empire, its development instead.) 6) Editing. I hate to be a stickler but it can really determine context. 7) Length: This is determined as to whether or not there was enough length to adequately get into the story, enjoy it, and be able to understand it. 8 ) Understandability: How well a reader can understand what is written via context. 9) Integration: How well this can be added onto, or integrated into a world. 10) Handling: How well the detail is handled. Does the piece integrate their content well, or do they rush to fit too much into a small space and overload the reader with content? HERD OF ISONHOUND: The End of Cycle . This entry takes the narrative of a witness to an event. First person witness, going into quite a bit of detail about these creatures and their society. The story is written fairly well although it could do with a little bit of condensing. Some parts kind of abuse run on sentencing a bit which can lose some readers. This is a small gripe because that aside, it actually reads pretty well. Maybe the biggest issue I have seen in this story is with its Handling. It tries to incorporate a lot of different lore and detail into one space, and it is a common issue that many writers even with professional works can struggle with on the regular. I feel like this, in itself, is a very professional work that requires some polish but otherwise was fairly enjoyable. It takes elements from the D&D world but it is form its own unique world and the author has clearly put a lot of effort into it. ---- Originality: 10 Immersion: 8 ''' Witness: '''10 Detail: 8 ''' Char Dev: '''9 Editing: 7''' Length: '''8 Understandability: 9 ' Integration: '''10 ' Handling: '8 ' Overall score: '''87/100 'EDNA .' Here we go. So right off the bat, a player has presented us with a detail of her character, kind of like their biography. An Eladrin. This one is pretty short and sweet from first glance. The editing kind of hurts it a little (In Galik...)...and its a shame because I really want to like this entry more. It's all in all not a bad entry, but its not the easiest to read in terms of getting the information as it takes a few reads. This is more like what as a DM I might see presented as a basic character bio for a tabletop game then a writing entry. As a character, Edna is enjoyable, but what we really need is for the author to bring us into her world, show us her routine a little more closely and immerse us to where we can see ourselves meeting and talking to her. It kind of builds up FOR that...but then it stops halfway leaving a lot to be desired. An original character, and she can fit in pretty much anywhere. She just requires a lot more put into her...and while the author certainly shows they have the talent to pull it off..it just didn't wind up happening. Keep at it, and i'm sure you'll really wow us in the future. Additional note: I gave it another look over and changed Char Dev to 10 because the character herself is quite enjoyable and thought out. It's just the delivery and how the audience is able to view her where this takes a hit. ---- Originality: 10 Immersion: 7 ''' Witness: '''7 Detail: 8 ''' Char Dev: '''10 Editing: 6 ''' Length: '''6 Understandability: 7 ' Integration: '''10 ' Handling: '9 ' Overall score: '80/100 ' EDNA'S Diary Hmm. A diary entry of another entry? Sure, okay. Let's take a look. In Edna we got a glimpse of the character. This is her Diary, and it is my hope that this will build on the prior character entry or take its own spin on the character. Right off the top..this is short. Really short. Not a good sign, but not always a bad one. With diary entries it is a way to peer into a character's mind and see what goes on in their head, or with their feelings. It's a great way to develop character and personality. However, it needs enough length to be able to do that. We get five short entries in this diary. Okay. Delivery is just not very good with this entry. It's trying to be told from the perspective of Edna, but it doesn't do a very good job at bringing us into her world at all. The writing is all over the place. Editing is okay. Development pretty well falls apart. Length just wasn't used appropriately enough to engage us enough to be really interested. It's understandable..in a passable manner. It's like someone trying to write an edgy teenager, and if this was an attempt to build on the Edna entry it did not at all do a good job of it. I feel like it was just kind of thrown out there with not a lot of real thought put into it, and the characters described barely get a cookie-cutter description and are just left floating in the wilderness. This one's a hard pass. ---- Originality: '''8 Immersion: 4 ' Witness: '''5 ' Detail: '5 ' Char Dev: '''4 Editing: 8 ''' Length: '''3 Understandability: 9 ' Integration: '''8 ' Handling: '4 ' Overall score: '58/100 ' Wistness . This entry is a fairly brief location-based entry that not only takes place as part of a continent, but where two elemental planes meeting, affording a very unique and well thought out ecology/environment. There is a brief allusion to its culture in terms of its festival, and the thermal heating as well as who discovered it was a very nice world-building twist. The level of detail that we get is enough to make me keep reading...unfortunately..this is where it ends. Imagine going into a restaurant and smelling the most delicious meal, only to be served a quarter of it. That is basically my takeaway from this, which is a shame because that quarter portion I DID get I found enjoyable enough to want to see more of. It's simply too short. It's understandable. Its written decently. I can *start* to get an idea of things....but I want to know more about the inhabitants, the history, the taboos, systems of laws.. and so on. There's so much to add in that is missing that I can't help but feel cheated at the end because of how much is left out. I like this one, but I feel like it was left unfinished. Even in terms of being able to integrate it, it can be fit into any story or system very easily. It just needs more. Had there been more this could have easily taken first place, I think. ---- Originality: '''10 Immersion: 8 ' Witness: '''10 ' Detail: '8 ' Char Dev: '7 ' Editing: '9 ' Length: '''3 Understandability: 10 ' Integration: '''10 ' Handling: '7 ' Overall score: '''82/100 Nestle . Going right down the list, this entry has ties to Wistness in a connection to its neighbor, Cauldomo. This entry describes a small coastal city, and i'm eager to see if it builds onto the lore, how well it integrates and how well it stands alone if it were separated into a different environment. So let's dig in. Alright. This one has a bit more in terms of history and even adds to the Dragonborn and Lizardfolk species. Historical events have cultural significance and are even remembered through cultural tradition in the form of one or more festivals celebrated regionally. We get a little on agriculture and a little bit of an idea of how government works. It's written well and it doesn't drag on and uses its length decent as well. A few things that might make it better are an understanding of the usual locals..what they look like and dress like. Religious services. Expanding on culture. Taboos, laws. Rogue or criminal elements. Stuff like that. The idea with a city in particular is to give your audience an idea of what they might see if they were casually walking down the street as a tourist, from their eyes. This story attempts to do that..almost reads like a Wikipedia article in terms of delivering information. Other than that, a solid entry that was definitely a good read. ---- Originality: 10 Immersion: 8 ' Witness: '''10 ' Detail: '8 ' Char Dev: '8 ' Editing: '9 ' Length: '7 ' Understandability: '10 ' Integration: '10 ' Handling: '9 ' Overall score: '''92/100 Rowan Buckman . Okay, we have another character profile. This one is a sorceror, with tie ins to some of the other entries that I have read....and more of Galik. I think i'm developing a complex because of my reaction to seeing "in Galik" now. But this one doesn't seem to be that bad at all, ha. So right off the bat, I am reading things I like. You have to make an audience care about the character to get invested in them, its part of good character development. The necklace. Memento from a boyfriend representing a life once lived and thrown away as he discards that part of life. Bam. Emotional trigger that makes someone casually reading go "Wait. Let me read that again." They invest themselves. Now they care about the fire and how deeply it affected this character. Now they can empathize with what he might have had and has discarded. It keeps them reading. Great job on that, and telling a lot with few words. Some aspects of this put the reader in Rowan's shoes, asking questions that he might ask himself. The way he acts and the way he reacts to the circumstances in his life is something that pretty much anyone might do in a similar situation. Its realistic, its believable, and that makes it immersive. From his origins to the battle that sparked internal conflict, to his boyfriend winding up injured then marrying another man and skipping town..you really feel for Rowan in a way, he just can't catch a break. He has power, but he is tormented by it and the best way to use it. Much like how we go about everyday life, it is a difficult series of problems with no real satisfactory answers in sight. Thus, this has proved to be an enjoyable read that makes the most of what it has. ---- Originality: 10 Immersion: 9 ''' Witness: 9 ' Detail: '''10 ' Char Dev: 10 ' Editing: '''9 ' Length: '''9 Understandability: 10 ' Integration: '''10 ' Handling: '10 ' Overall score: '''96/100 Ambleside . Ambleside is a small farming town that figures heavily in the life of the person described in the last entry. This entry is kind of on the short side. One interesting little quirk is the presence of wild magic to such an extent it creates alternate possible timelines of existence when being encountered. This is not an easy writing exercise to pull off. When it comes to parallel universes and alternate dimensions..same as with time travel, delivery and description can help or hurt it. In this case..the length of the entry really hurts it because this is one point that should be expanded on to immerse and excite the readers, using their curiosity to draw them deeper into the lore of this location. It does add a little bit more to the known lore, if you started with the prior articles and worked your way down. However, it doesn't really hugely expand on things or add things, nor does it stand alone as well as the other entries. You could fit it into a different environment, but you would have a lot of gaps to fill in, and a little bit to change around to make it work. We are introduced further to one other character..the priest, and a bit about the gothic cathedral, but despite names of other characters being interjected we know next to nothing about them to be emotionally invested other than X amount of people died in this incident. This entry is more like the equivalent of a tiny bit of DLC to the main game than a standalone entry..and while its not a bad entry, it falls quite a bit short as a result of this when the opportunity was there to greatly expand on the finer details. ---- Originality: 8''' Immersion: '8 ' Witness: '7 ' Detail: '6 ' Char Dev: '7 ' Editing: '9 ' Length: '7 ' Understandability: '10 ' Integration: '8 ' Handling: '7 ' Overall score: '''77/100 Great Fissure Nursery Rhymes : This one might actually be hard to really judge. It's quite a short one,and of a different narrative style than all of the other entries thus far. Lore, and a simple thing like nursery rhymes. What you might expect to find on a shelf in a library somewhere. It seems like such a small element, and yet that means you can place it anywhere. Yet it does relate to artifacts of the world at large. In fact, for being such a short entry, it builds on the other parts of lore in terms of the artifacts and what might displace what. With little footnotes, edited with italics to keep it in context by a detective. Piece by piece dissecting this to try and make sense out of something else...so in that we can see the thought processes of the detective unfurl. It's immersive and a nice touch. The ending was good for a laugh and came kind of out of nowhere, but in such a way that I would be interested in getting to know more about this detective. For such a short entry, I found it pretty enjoyable, which means scoring this one might really take some serious thought. ---- Originality: 10 Immersion: 9 ' Witness: '''10 ' Detail: '10 ' Char Dev: '''6 Editing: 9 ''' Length: '''9 Understandability: 10 ' Integration: '''10 ' Handling: '10 ' Overall score: '''93/100 Orche-Astere . Here we are with a location entry regarding a mysterious fey domain. Alright, i'm listening. Many feyish type areas go with the stereotypes or make outlandish, almost macabre or lovecraftian leanings. This one is taking a different twist and putting them in the mountains while keeping their relationship to nature. Unfortunately, it drops the ball in terms of not really describing the fey here, missing a good opportunity to get people thoroughly engrossed. After all, fey can incorporate any number or kinds of creatures..but being a little more specific you can paint a wider picture of the environment and what people would expect to see. This is an issue that is prevalent with the entry as a whole. A lot of missed opportunities. We get glimpses, tiny peeks, but not enough. With more substance this would be much more enjoyable and add to the world. It teases, but it does not deliver. If you're going to create a location, it needs to have substance, otherwise it's like going into a high end restaurant..ordering a full course meal, and being told the appetizer is all you're getting. ---- Originality: 10 Immersion: 6 ' Witness: '''9 ' Detail: '''6 Char Dev: 10 ' Editing: '''9 ' Length: '4 ' Understandability: '10 ' Integration: '6 ' Handling: '5 ' Overall score: '75/100 ' Blumenthal Verdannes An Elder Eladrin with a penchant for alchemy..the secretive and the forbidden. Nobility and intrigue, a secret society, tongue-in-cheek names, little bits of detail here and there that can add to the world at large..as elements of them can be used in other places or to set up elements of a similar nature/history. In gaming we see alchemists as the mad bomber or the occasional chemists..but rarely used in actual assassinations to the degree we see it employed here. His sinister patron really is showcased as the smiling, narcissistic villain. The lead in was good, but then..it just drops right off at the end. For a character in his 70s, we don't get much of a description of him. We get history, but not a lot to piece together on personality. The relationship with Dahlia is teased but not really explored. His connection with his fellows is also teased, but not explored. This leaves little to really build on in terms of character development. It's a shame because it started off particularly well and kept me engaged enough to read it through to the end..but then it just turned on its head and fell short. ---- Originality: '''10 Immersion: 6 ' Witness: '''9 ' Detail: '''8 Char Dev: 7 ' Editing: '''9 ' Length: '7 ' Understandability: '10 ' Integration: '7 ' Handling: '7 ' Overall score: '80/100 ' Eve This is the one that got to me. As in, I almost broke reading the bittersweet tale of a fey doctor turned symbol of sacrifice and self-service. This is a very well written entry. The character's motivations, personality and descriptions are actually quite well thought-out. They are very detailed. She feels more like a living, breathing person I can almost picture sitting on my shoulder. I can close my eyes and imagine how she might hold a conversation, or how she tends to feel about the world around her. (In fact, this is demonstrated in her origin story, as well as how well she holds true to her convictions.) Speaking of her convictions, they aren't just someone trying to be "woke" for virtue signaling..no no no. Eve has reasons and experiences that led her to that point and reaffirm her decisions. She is her own person. The prayers was a nice touch, and the final prayer is what damn well near almost broke me. It was in character, to characters, and almost bittersweet but absolutely kind. I loved this article. This entry really made me feel like I was there and got to know the character enough that even as a bystander, I would miss her absence and be glad reading other entries to see/hear that she got the well deserved status as a patron saint. I am very impressed by this entry and say, excellent job..to what is clearly a very talented writer. ---- Originality: '''10 Immersion: 10 ' Witness: '''9 ' Detail: 10 Char Dev: '10 ' Editing: '9 ' Length: '9 ' Understandability: '10 ' Integration: '10 ' Handling: '9 ' Overall score: '97/100 ' '''The Evening Prayers Early followers of a formerly lost god? Okay. First up, as a reader..I would like to know the names of the original four, and some more if only minor details. In that regard its more an entry that can stand on its own. On the flip-side, it doesn't drag any information on, and it does offer some concise information on rituals and observations...even some history on what the future looked like for this organization in terms of their remembrance in history. Eve as a patron saint was a nice touch, and the remembrance of the Oathwielders and the Idols keeps it consistent. Missed opportunity on the temples though, as it is a good means to tell us how they were restored, and what they might look like now. I'm surprised that the author hit this well with the Idols, but not with the temples. As the Pelor entry was so incredibly lacking, this would have been an excellent opportunity to discuss the group's relationship with the newly restored deity and how he views them going forward as well. It's the little details. That said, it is still a good entry, it just needs some more fleshing out and polish! ---- Originality: 10 Immersion: 8 ' Witness: '''8 ' Detail: '''8 Char Dev: 10 ' Editing: '''9 ' Length: '8 ' Understandability: '10 ' Integration: '7 ' Handling: '8 ' Overall score: '86/100 ' ---- Red A short single diary entry in the life of a character named Red. I'm a little skeptical, but let's see how well this stands on its own, objectively. Oh, how these entries like to tease. It gives us a little bit about Red's appearance..but not really her race or age range. All in all, I like the style of writing. It is done very well and puts us firmly in her shoes..what description we get is like her trying to describe herself and her thoughts. Her thoughts gather depending on the circumstances, as well as reactions from those around or, or from her to the person she's speaking with. We know enough of the situation to glean that she's got a bounty on her head and is trying to get away and fast. Kind of simple and to the point. It does make the effort and this could be a good example in how diary entries can be done right. I liked this, it needs a little bit of polish but it doesn't disappoint at all. ---- Originality: '''10 Immersion: 8 ' Witness: '''10 ' Detail: '''8 Char Dev: 10 ' Editing: '''10 ' Length: '8 ' Understandability: '10 ' Integration: '8 ' Handling: '8 ' Overall score: '''90/100' ' ---- Snobbite Regality Let me start out by saying, its a bold decision to name a kingdom the kind of name of Snobbite Regality. Even more bold for its denizens to call themselves the Snobbish. It's also incredibly clever in terms of hooking an audience by their curiosity, so let me start by giving credit where it's due for that. Wealthy merchants and streets paved with actual gold..deciding between the trade or the blade..and a bit of the skills that all residents are expected to learn. It has its own "Ides of Nawfar" regarding its capital..and an account from a visitor. On the flip side, we know little of its governmental structure or what a mixed society of hobgoblins and humans might look like. Imports and exports, style of buildings and fashion. Crime and punishment. Nothing on religion. Even something like the style and kind of ships at their disposal is a huge issue when talking about and describing kingdoms. The bigger the sphere, the more that must be put into it, or the empty space draws more attention than the other things incorporated into it. I say this because it doesn't do this kingdom the justice it deserves. It has a great premise but poor completion, and it robs it of the accolades i'm sure it would get with more put into filling the gaps and fleshing it out. What I read, however, I did enjoy. Keep working on it. ---- Originality: 10 Immersion: 5 ' Witness: '''10 ' Detail:'''8 Char Dev: 8 ' Editing: '''9 ' Length: '7 ' Understandability: '10 ' Integration: '7 ' Handling: '7 ' Overall score: '86/100 ' Drake Right off the bat a really good description for this character, which adds to the artwork presented along with it. It then follows up with a description of his personality. I had to read this a few times. There is a lot of good detail here, and unfortunately where it suffers most is in the way it is written. The structuring is not expected to be Shakespeare, mind you..but when things are very disjointed and events are kind of back and forth its hard to keep track of the narrative and maintain immersion. The follow-through from Eve's tale was a nice touch, although this character could probably stand alone. The writing near the end is a better change of pace than the writing at the beginning of the entry..I believe the author should go back and edit this entry to make it more readable. Otherwise it was a good read and a pretty good character concept that can even be built upon later. I actually kind of feel bad to give this entry the score that it has and I would love to give it a higher score...the way it is written in the beginnings in that disjointed manner just kind of hurts it though. ---- Originality: '''10 Immersion: 8 ' Witness: '''8 ' Detail: '''8 Char Dev: 10 ' Editing: '''5 ' Length: '8 ' Understandability: '7 ' Integration: '8 ' Handling: '8 ' Overall score: '80/100 ' Luggland A severely undeveloped entry regarding a location on a continent. I have to be harsh here because there's no reason for this to even be an entry. Imports, exports. People and culture, flora and fauna..temperature, environment, unique factors. It's just missing so much that I can't understand how the author was even bothered to write at all in the first place. There are no participation trophies in writing, and there is no excuse for wasting people's time, either. ---- Originality: '''5 Immersion: 2 ' Witness: '''2 ' Detail: '1 ' Char Dev: 3 ' Editing: '''9 ' Length: 1 ' Understandability: '''10 ' Integration: '2 ' Handling: '1 ' Overall score: '36/100 ' '''Victory Victory is the name of a tiefling with the purpose of being a bad guy in the story but the good guy in his own. Unfortunately, that's pretty much about as descriptive as this gets. We do get a little more in terms of an origin story, but other than some stat leanings and an age, it falls short across the board. We know little about his looks, personality or outlook. It's an entry that not a lot of effort was put into, and is kind of disappointing. ---- Originality: 6 ' Immersion: '''5 ' Witness: '3 ' Detail: '''5 Char Dev: '3 ' Editing: '9 ' Length: '2 ' Understandability: '10 ' Integration: '6 ' Handling: '2 ' Overall score: '51/100 ' 'FINAL SCORING ' Addendum: Sweepstakes Winners The list of 26 entries was put into a list, the list was shuffled, and 3 random items were selected using Random.Org's atomospheric random generator. The selected entries are as follows: *Red *List of All Player Characters (Connor's Edit) *Victory